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By: mcmftlaud , 9:55 PM GMT on March 07, 2007

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Wow! Been away for awhile and the blogs are insane. Anyhow, got to go. Wish me luck with my back surgery on Wednesday. And remember...there is no need to panic....we could all die.

Subject: Hurricane Season

We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Atlantic Ocean and making two basic meteorological points:

(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all die.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least seven days.
STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until New Years Day.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida. So, we'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE:

If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:

(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska or Idaho.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane Wilma, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys, liver, and my 1st born male.

SHUTTERS:

Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets and sinks. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:

Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.

Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.

Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.

Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.

Hurricane Proofing your property: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, alligators, neighbors, pets, visiting mother in law, etc... You should, as a precaution, throw them into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

EVACUATION ROUTE:

If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area). The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES:

If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM or Vienna Sausages. In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:

1. 23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
2. Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so get some!)
3. 55 gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
4. A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
5. A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)
6. $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator, water, ice, or chainsaw from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.

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196. EmmyRose
4:47 PM GMT on December 31, 2009
happy new year Pictures, Images and Photos
Member Since: July 15, 2005 Posts: 347 Comments: 76405
195. Gatorxgrrrl
4:16 PM GMT on December 31, 2009
Happy New Year!

Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
194. seflagamma
4:25 PM GMT on December 24, 2009
Hi McM

Just had to pull you up to send you some good
WU Christmas Wishes!!
Hope all is well; drop in and see us sometimes.

Gams



Merry Christmas Greetings from the Tropics




From our home to yours,
Wishing you and your loved ones a Very Merry Christmas
& a Healthy, Happy, and Prosperous New Year 2010!





Member Since: August 29, 2005 Posts: 297 Comments: 40882
193. mcmftlaud
12:21 PM GMT on September 23, 2009
Thank you Rays and Happy belated B-Day to you. Won't get too wild and crazy I promise. ;)
Member Since: December 30, 2005 Posts: 34 Comments: 1811
192. Raysfan70
11:38 AM GMT on September 23, 2009
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday dear {{{{MCM}}}}}!
Happy Birthday to you.


It's your birthday, be wild and crazy! ;-)

MyHotComments.com
Member Since: July 28, 2005 Posts: 138 Comments: 57354
191. Wilmasurviver
12:00 AM GMT on August 28, 2009
Great advice, best preparation i know of. neeed some beer though for the trip to nebraska.
189. mcmftlaud
10:16 PM GMT on June 02, 2009
Hi Gams, just popped in since the H season is upon us. Been real busy. Good to see you again too.
Member Since: December 30, 2005 Posts: 34 Comments: 1811
188. seflagamma
9:44 PM GMT on June 02, 2009
Mac,

You returning to the blogs?

Good to see you again!
Member Since: August 29, 2005 Posts: 297 Comments: 40882
187. FLKeysRedneck
3:07 AM GMT on June 02, 2009
Ya know what I just kills me the most. Big hurricane is out there in Atlantic. The forecast cone has South Florida in it some wheres. Then all the local t.v. meteorlogists get on with all thebig hype. Then you get this basic pull out of your --- syndrome for a forecast. I love it when they start drawing up scenarios for the hurricanes forecasted path. Could go here, could go there, could whack us and we all die or totally miss us, it's just too early too tell"
Well when half a Poincianna tree has crunched my truck, the neighobrs ficus tree is blocking the road, the transformers popping like 4th of July fireworks, my barbeque grill has become an aerial shish kabob and my wind gauge pegged in the 80's I'm still hearing... Could go here, could go there or right down the middle. That's when I say thanks for the warning buddy... had I known I woulda sent the visiting mother in law to put up the storm shutters in hopes she would have gotten carried off like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz holding onto a storm shutter. Hurricane Katrina, August 2005 when it made an unexpected turn. Forecast here was for 40 mph winds and we had 86 mph..surprise!!!! At least with Wilma I had warning so I could sit in my hallway trying to reach down far enough to kiss my --- goodbye as my roof was peeling off my houuse, that was fun.

KDH
Key Largo, Fl
Member Since: January 4, 2008 Posts: 5 Comments: 8
186. mcmftlaud
10:46 PM GMT on May 26, 2009
Hey Emms, still celebrating the Steelers Superbowl win. How are you?
Member Since: December 30, 2005 Posts: 34 Comments: 1811
185. EmmyRose
2:52 PM GMT on May 26, 2009
THE MAC IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Member Since: July 15, 2005 Posts: 347 Comments: 76405
184. mcmftlaud
12:28 PM GMT on May 26, 2009
Hi Gator, nice to hear from you. Hope all is well with the family.
Member Since: December 30, 2005 Posts: 34 Comments: 1811
183. mcmftlaud
12:26 PM GMT on May 26, 2009
Hi Oakland, thank you. Its good to be back.
Hi Rays, just popped in since its almost the H Season, lets hope there's no bad storms.
Member Since: December 30, 2005 Posts: 34 Comments: 1811
182. Gatorxgrrrl
12:17 PM GMT on May 26, 2009
{{MAC}} I was just thinking about you this weekend and wondering how your doing!

Nice to see you around!
Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
181. Raysfan70
11:49 AM GMT on May 26, 2009
Good Morning {{MCM}}!

I thought I was seeing a ghost blog.

Glad to see you popped your head out.
Member Since: July 28, 2005 Posts: 138 Comments: 57354
180. oakland
9:43 AM GMT on May 26, 2009
Good Morning,

Take time to stop and smell the roses today.... It just may change your perspective of what seems like a really bad day.



glitter-graphics.com

WELCOME BACK! We missed you!!!!!!
Member Since: September 4, 2005 Posts: 41 Comments: 7526
179. Gatorxgrrrl
1:45 PM GMT on July 26, 2007
Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
178. Gatorxgrrrl
2:44 PM GMT on July 25, 2007


It's Wednesday!!
Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
177. Gatorxgrrrl
2:38 PM GMT on July 21, 2007
Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
176. Raysfan70
9:59 AM GMT on July 16, 2007
Good Morning {{MCM}}!
Member Since: July 28, 2005 Posts: 138 Comments: 57354
175. Barefootontherocks
5:14 AM GMT on July 16, 2007
Willie Nelson, The Rainbow Connection

Happy Moonday!!
Member Since: April 29, 2006 Posts: 151 Comments: 18360
174. Gatorxgrrrl
1:50 PM GMT on July 15, 2007
Thinking of you Mac!!!!
Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
173. Raysfan70
12:14 PM GMT on July 15, 2007
Good Morning {{{{MCM}}}}.


Thoughts are with you.
Member Since: July 28, 2005 Posts: 138 Comments: 57354
172. oakland
10:25 AM GMT on July 15, 2007


Have a great Sunday!
Member Since: September 4, 2005 Posts: 41 Comments: 7526
171. Gatorxgrrrl
1:13 PM GMT on July 14, 2007
Miss ya Mac. Keep your chin up!! Thinking lots of positive thoughts for you!! Hugs dear friend.
Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
170. Raysfan70
11:56 AM GMT on July 13, 2007
Good Morning {{MCM}}!
Member Since: July 28, 2005 Posts: 138 Comments: 57354
169. Gatorxgrrrl
2:24 AM GMT on July 13, 2007
Mac - we miss you. Hang in there friend. Hugs.
Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
168. Raysfan70
9:40 AM GMT on July 12, 2007
Good Morning {{MCM}}!
Member Since: July 28, 2005 Posts: 138 Comments: 57354
167. Gatorxgrrrl
3:57 PM GMT on July 11, 2007
Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
166. Raysfan70
9:45 AM GMT on July 10, 2007
{{MCM}}!
Member Since: July 28, 2005 Posts: 138 Comments: 57354
165. Gatorxgrrrl
1:27 AM GMT on July 10, 2007
Mac - hugs and hang in there!! :)))))
Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
164. Raysfan70
10:14 AM GMT on July 09, 2007
{{MCM}}!

Have a Great Day!

Leave the Ladies alone for a few and Check in. :-)
Member Since: July 28, 2005 Posts: 138 Comments: 57354
163. Gatorxgrrrl
12:52 AM GMT on July 09, 2007
Mac - thinking of you!!!!! Have a great week - I know you will!!!!:))))))))))))))))
Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
162. Raysfan70
12:22 PM GMT on July 08, 2007
{{MCM}}


Missing you and thinking of you.
Member Since: July 28, 2005 Posts: 138 Comments: 57354
161. Sheraqueenofthebeach
11:30 AM GMT on July 08, 2007
{{{{{MCM}}}}}
Long time no see! You are missed!
Happy SUNday to you and yours!
Member Since: August 2, 2005 Posts: 156 Comments: 3140
160. Gatorxgrrrl
12:54 PM GMT on July 03, 2007
Thinking good thoughts for ya Mac!!!

Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
159. Raysfan70
10:04 AM GMT on June 29, 2007
Good Morning {{MCM}}!


Whereareyou?
Member Since: July 28, 2005 Posts: 138 Comments: 57354
158. anvilhead
6:25 AM GMT on June 29, 2007
bump
Member Since: September 14, 2006 Posts: 128 Comments: 5257
157. Gatorxgrrrl
1:19 PM GMT on June 28, 2007
Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
156. Raysfan70
10:00 AM GMT on June 06, 2007
Good Morning {{MCM}}

Back to Work today.
Member Since: July 28, 2005 Posts: 138 Comments: 57354
155. Gatorxgrrrl
1:56 PM GMT on June 05, 2007
Mac - get your sorry behind out here and take care of this blog!

biceps, biceps, biceps.
Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
154. Raysfan70
9:54 AM GMT on June 05, 2007
{{MCM}}
Member Since: July 28, 2005 Posts: 138 Comments: 57354
153. Gatorxgrrrl
1:32 PM GMT on June 04, 2007
Mac - wake up! Billy is back!
Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
152. Raysfan70
9:53 AM GMT on June 04, 2007
{{MCM}}

Member Since: July 28, 2005 Posts: 138 Comments: 57354
151. Raysfan70
11:40 AM GMT on June 03, 2007
{{Anvil}}
Member Since: July 28, 2005 Posts: 138 Comments: 57354
150. Gatorxgrrrl
1:28 PM GMT on June 02, 2007
Hey Gator, was away for a few days. Whats going on? I said that because of the Gator basketball coach leaving. But I am better now.

biceps, biceps, biceps.lol
Member Since: May 10, 2007 Posts: 70 Comments: 15599
149. mcmftlaud
5:51 PM GMT on June 01, 2007
Hi Gams, finally some rain. Hope Lake Okeechobee gets a bunch of rain.
Member Since: December 30, 2005 Posts: 34 Comments: 1811
148. seflagamma
5:48 PM GMT on June 01, 2007
Hi MC, glad to see you back. How about all that rain... cool!!!! LOL!!!
Member Since: August 29, 2005 Posts: 297 Comments: 40882
147. mcmftlaud
5:47 PM GMT on June 01, 2007
Yes I'm back. Nice to see you again Gloria.
Member Since: December 30, 2005 Posts: 34 Comments: 1811
146. Sheraqueenofthebeach
5:44 PM GMT on June 01, 2007
Vance! You're back!
Member Since: August 2, 2005 Posts: 156 Comments: 3140

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